A little something from our local Tolkien n00zgr00p.

[At Bilbo’s 111th Birthday]
Merry: «Omg, I pwn»
Pippin: «Sif, I pwn»
**Rocket goes off
Gandalf: «Pwned!»

Bilbo: «This = shiz, bai foos»
Bilbo has left the server
Frodo: «***!?»

[later, in Bag End]
Gandalf: «Give teh ringz0r to Frodo»
Bilbo: «Sif! It r precious!»
Gandalf: «STFU NOOB!!!»
Bilbo: «ok»
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire

Gandalf: «Show me teh ring, foo!»
**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
Gandalf: «OMGZ, it R teh ring!»
Frodo: «***?»
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
Sam has been kicked from The Shire

[At Isengard]
Gandalf: «sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!»
Saruman: «Foo! U R teh noob!»
Gandalf: «***?!»
Saruman: «Sauron pwns joo!»
Gandalf: «Sif, I R leet»
**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
Saruman: «Pwned!»

[on the road to Bree]
Merry: «look foos, shrooms!»
Pippin: «Woot! Shrooms!»
Frodo: «Ph34r!»
Sam: «Shrooms!»
Frodo: «PH34R!1!1»
**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
Frodo: «OMG, packetloss!»

[Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
Frodo has left the server
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: «OMGz, dc’d»
Aragorn: «OMG, noobz»

[at Weathertop]
Merry: «Mmm, shrooms!»
Frodo: «Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz»

**the black riders attack
Merry: «OMG!!!»
Sam: «O.M.G!!!11»
Pippin: «***»
Frodo has left the server
**head nazgul stabs Frodo’s ghost
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: «***… hax!»
**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
Aragorn: «PH34r!!!!!!»
Merry: «LOLOL flamed! «

[on the road to Rivendell]
Aragorn: «ZOMG!Arwen!»
**Arwen rides up
Aragorn: «A/S/L? Wanna net secks?»
Arwen: «Sif! *** is up with Frodo?»
Sam: «teh leet Hax0r «
Arwen: «Firewall?»

**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses
the ford at Rivendell.
Arwen: «PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!»
**nazgul start to cross
Arwen: «LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!»
**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
Arwen: «Pwnt»

[at the Council of Elrond]
Gimli: «dwarves pwn!»
Legolas: «Sif, Elves pwn!»
Boromir: «OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!»
Elrond: «STFU tards!!1!»
**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
Gimili: «Sif ring pwns all!»
**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
Elrond: «**sigh, noob»

[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
Bilbo: «OLOL, me = 10th level thief!»
Frodo: «OMG, u r teh pwn!»
Bilbo: «Do u still have teh ringz0r?»
**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
Bilbo: «OMG u tard, I want to TK you!»
Frodo: «sif!»
Bilbo: «ph34r my mithril»

[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
Legolas: «ZOMG, leet gfx!»
Gimli: «I R dropping frames! FFS»
**There’s an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
Gimli: «Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1»
Gandalf: «**Sigh. Moria?»
Gimli votes to change map to Moria
Votes 4 of 4 required
Legolas: «lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!»

[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
Gandalf: «FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?»
**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
Frodo: «OMG! ph34r!»
Boromir: «GL HF»
Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
Legolas [arrow] guardian
Gandalf: «gg»

[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
Gimli: «OMG!!!! PWNED!»

**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a
chamber with a large well
Gandalf: «teh bookz0r has some clues!»
**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
Gandalf: «OMG! noob!»
Merry: «d’oh»
**The fellowship hears the ork drums
Boromir: «***?»
Aragorn: «***?»
Frodo: «…»
Gandalf: «Oh ffs >.<"
**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
Boromir: «TEAMS FFS!»
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
ork: «OMG! h4x!»
Gimli: «pwned»!
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas: «lol!!»
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli: «Foos!» Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: «ffs, wallhax!»
**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
Gandalf: «Oh ffs!»
Boromir: «Omg, its teh boss!»
Aragorn: «Sif noob, we’re not at teh end yet!»
**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then
skewers Frodo
Sam: «OMG!»
Gandalf: «OMG!»
Aragorn: «omg, pwn!»
**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its
Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
Ork: «OMG! PWNED!»
Gimli: «LOLOOLOL! noobs»
**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by
a horde of orks
Boromir: «FFS! Teams, foos!»
**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
Aragorn: «Now THIS is teh boss!»
Gandalf: «OMG!»
**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting
to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
Legolas: «LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!»
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: «AIMBOT!»
ork: «turn it off!»
Legolas: «lolol!»
**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the
Gandalf: «joo shall not pass!»
Balrog: «***?»
Balrog: «Sif, noob»
**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and
causing it to break under the Balrog’s weight
Balrog: «ZOMG! PWNED!»
Frodo: «OMG! Gandalf!»
**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with
its whip, entangling Gandalf
Gandalf: «D’oh»
Frodo: «OMG, joo foo!»
Gandalf: «fly u foos, fly!»
**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
Gandalf has left the server
Balrog has disconnected

[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with
Galadriel: «For a noob, u r teh leet!»
Frodo: «Sif. I don’t want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?»
Galadriel: «******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of
my own!1″

[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
Saurman: «ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz
and pwnz0r them!»
uruk hai: «leet!»

[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and
confronts him
Boromir: «Gimmie teh ringz0r so ** hax can fight teh boss!»
Frodo: «Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!»
Boromir: «Naw, we play on non-pb servers»
Frodo: «STFU noob»
Frodo has left the server
Boromir: «***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!»

**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
Boromir: «OH FFS, TEAMS!!»
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Boromir: «****ing campers»
**Aragorn comes across the battle
Aragorn: «Boromir joo noob! ***!»
Uruk Hai: «Hah, pwn!»
Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
Aragorn: «I bring joo teh pwn!»
**Aragorn goes to Boromir
Boromir: «Damn lag!»
Warning: Connection problems detected
Boromir has disconnected
Aragorn: «FFS!»

[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat.
Sam ‘sees’ him]
Sam: «Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!»
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: «Sam, STFU and FOAD!»
Sam: «Sif!»
Frodo: «Oh, ffs n00b!»


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